Birdshit coffee and superhero shame.

Welcome Future Minions!

Let's get down to it. If there were a fight between Iron Man and Bird Man on a cloudy day, who would win? Iron Man looks cool, and he has that awesome Black Sabbath song, but he's always running out of power at critical moments. Just ask his ex-girlfriends. (Gasp...gasp...power...running (urf) low...must...recharge...hnnnnkk...Get off me you tool!) Then again, so is Bird Man. I mean, with this guy, a cloud passes over and he plummets to earth. I don't know how the eagle can stand him. If I were Avenger, I'd shit in his coffee every freakin' morning. God only knows what that poor bird had to do to get that gold necklace. I bet he flew bowlegged for weeks. Come to think of it, I don't really care who would win. Other superheroes would watch them fall from the sky with expressions of painful empathetic embarassment. They would be rescued by Supergirl before they smashed into a greasy spot of tin and feathers and she'd drop them off at a boy scout jamboree before flying off to scrub the stench of shame from her gloves with bleach.