Birds are flying WEST, people.

Welcome Future Minions! In the spirit of the new year, I thought I'd share a few resolutions we all could make. No namby-pamby "lose those ten pounds" or "get on eHarmony and find love" promises here!
1. Let's get serious about the environment. BIRDS ARE FLYING WEST FOR THE WINTER, PEOPLE! THIS IS HOW EVERY 90s ENVIRO-DISASTER MOVIE STARTS OUT! NOT GOOD! This global warming thing is getting out of hand, so if we all started doing one little thing, like recycling, or choosing the recycled option when there's a choice, that would be five billion little things, and that's pretty good. So you have to leave your latex paint open on your back porch for a year. Big deal. Get over it, you shmuck.
2. Be nicer to each other. It's okay to disagree. It's not okay to make your point by, say, flying a plane into a building, or invading another country to enforce your way of thinking. Terrorism, genocide, testing bioweapons on indigenous populations: all very bad things that cannot be allowed to exist. But democratic governance is not the only solution. That sounds suspiciously like the missionary work that eradicated the Native American cultures, and we all know that was a big collective "my bad".
And stop judging people by physical attributes. What's wrong with you? Remember that shy woman you slept with? The one that after YOU were done you told she was too fat to date because your friends would make fun of you? Some day she may finally grow into the redheaded voluptuous world-leading vixen she was meant to be, and she doesn't forget things like that.
And while I'm at it, stop worshipping people who exhibit bad behavior. Terrell Owens, Bobby Knight, Allen Iverson, Mel Gibson--these men are jerks. Anyone who spits at people, hits people, uses racial slurs, or is involved in criminal activity does not deserve anyone's respect or money. And that goes for anyone who hurts children, too. Hello? Vatican City? It's your wake up call.
3. Stop smoking. Seriously. IT'S BAD FOR YOU! Is there any--A N Y research that shows that smoking DOESN'T kill you? No. So stop. Idiot.
4. For pete's sake, racism is just about the stupidest thing ever. Knock it off, doofus.
5. Be honest, but not mean. Who tells these American Idol people that they can sing? Why avoid that guy when you should just tell him you are not interested? It's just not right.
6. Be nicer to animals, too. They aren't warm moving furniture. They're living creatures, and they were here before us.
Birds are flying WEST, people. Time is running out.